A Confession about Lack of Self-Confidence

Here’s what I hope was a helpful “confession” I made today to a freedom-lawyer friend with self-doubts about her ability to defend against complex felony accusations. It seemed too private to post on Facebook but, if you’re one of the few who’ve wandered here, you might relate to some of these thoughts. Please excuse me for sounding like a preacher— I come from a long line of them!

Despite my half-century practicing Zen, I’ll admit I’ve often BELIEVED more about self-worth and cosmic confidence than I PRACTICED. For instance, every time I walked into a courtroom (or now a classroom) I said (or catch myself saying now), “What the hell is ART CAMPBELL doing here!? What can HE do or say of any significance!?” In response, I now wrap those threshold-thoughts in a little bundle (sometimes I visualize an actual bundle), shove them into an imaginary attic of “old tapes,” and march on. Bottom line? I’m personally resigned to the probability my Posi (Parasite of Self-Importance) may never let me FEEL worthy every minute of the day, but I won’t let it stop me from DOING worthy things. What’s that mean? “Doing worthy” means actualizing the totality of me, i.e., actually using whatever awareness and skills the cosmos bestowed on this critter. That’s because I, you, and every creature that ever lived, are the only one the universe ever created with our unique set of abilities. Our sin is NOT using them. And if it takes some of us a little more umph to overcome our fears in finding and being our true selves, that simply adds more courage to the cosmos. I’m keen to hear your response, but show me you’ve actually read this by responding only to my e-mail address: acampbell@cwsl.edu.  Cheers!

About Art

Art Campbell’s Non-Blawg contains thought-sprinklings from an aging jock, recovering lawyer, and die-hard poet. Campbell was born in Brooklyn, raised in Appalachia, and scholarshipped to Harvard and Georgetown Universities. Prior to earning his second law degree he was a road-maintenance worker, janitor, boxer, rugby player, and professional musician. He then became a trial lawyer in Washington, D.C.– both for and against the government.

For over 40 years Campbell has been challenged to follow the path of Zen Buddhism through varied venues. Although a full-time law professor at California Western in San Diego, he’s seen his poetry win prizes and publication throughout the United States. Married to best-selling novelist Drusilla Campbell, with whom he’s raised two sons, he now trains two dogs and three horses, and occasionally runs roadraces in southern California.

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